Saturday, November 18, 2006

H is for Hallucination!

What's this? Is Jessi Buchanan promote DRUG USE?!?!? No! There are plenty of ways to reached altered states of consciousness without resorting to illegal drugs. Take Phil here, for instance. His hallucinatory state was induced by a complex series of actions completely devoid of drugs. Well, except for caffeine. Here's how it happened: Phil had a big college chemistry exam that he was supposed to be studying for last night. But there was a "Star Trek the Next Generation" marathon on cable, and he just kind of got sucked in. This was irritating for Phil because he doesn't really even like that show. He finds all of the science to be completely implausible, and it really bugs him that everywhere they go, all the aliens speak English. But somehow he found himself sitting in front of the television at three in the morning, when he realized he had better hit the books. So he pulled an all-nighter, ingesting large quantities of coffee and Mountain Dew. He struggled through the test the next day, and stumbled home to find a notice in his mailbox from the phone company. It seems that Phil forgot to pay his bill last month, and today's the day they're cutting off his phone. So Phil calls the phone company and gets put on hold. Between short, smarmy phrases like "Your call is important to us," and "Your call may be monitored to insure customer satisfaction," Phil is forced to listen to a Muzak version of Barry Manilow's "Copa Cabana." That's when the hallucination hits him! He didn't ask for it, and he's not exactly happy about it, but there it is.

No comments: